I kept gazing at the ceiling, my mind kept playing those last minutes on the replay. How I wished it was one bad dream and it will soon be over, not even the pain from the bullet hurt like the fact that I had somehow killed Mercy, the one person who had befriended me and even got me my first job. She had gone through a lot and when she had started to bloom, I ended her. Cant help but remember the first time we danced as I took my first beer, I couldn’t help but break down in tears.
I am sure as day, the news had gotten around and am sure Lucy had found out I had killed her dad. I was between the rock and a hard place, I could not help myself from the punishment I was inflicting upon myself.
Earlier that day my crew members paid me a visit where I had learned that Mr.X was Ali junta and Mr.G was Mr Kamau wa Njenga, lucy’s dad. As it was Ali had refused to participate on the mission and Lucy’s dad had taken Mercy as hostage forcing Ali to adhere to his rules. Ali had fallen in love with Mercy six month ago when he had stepped into her spa for a massage, as you know the rest is history. Mr G had found out that mercy was Ali’s weakness so he had her kidnapped and made sure he did whatever he was ordered to, which proved effective only that they all died except mzee Salim the driver who helped in cracking the case
Mercy had innocently gotten involved in something she had not anticipated and I was there to end her innocent life. What kind of friend was I? I wish I shot on the tyres maybe she would still be alive, but how was I to know? Would I ever get through this? I wish I had something strong to drown my sorrows but I was in a hospital bed, only tears would do now.
“Son, are you okay?” I was drowned in thoughts and I did not notice when Dr.Rashid stepped in.
“I am not sure, dad.” I honestly answered.
“I know it’s not easy to kill someone but u have done good to the society, that means a promotion, I don’t understand why you look sad.”
“You would not understand, dad it’s complicated.” I felt a tear trickle down my cheek.
“Make me understand son, you know am here for you.” Dad looked highly concerned.
I went on to explain the whole scenario from A to Z, he was also shocked to know Mercy was involved and that I killed her unknowingly, though she was innocent. I also told him about lucy and who her father was, we both agreed that I was in a complex situation.
“Son, I know how things seem but time always heals and only Allah knows best.” He tried comforting me. We continued talking for hours, I am sure he never wanted to leave me all alone. when he administered morphine, I peacefully went to sleep and he finally left the room.
A month went by and I had a promotion from Junior Inspector to Senior Inspector nevertheless, it didn’t satisfy me. My wound had healed and I could drive myself around. I had tried calling Lucy a thousand times but she did not want to talk to me, she did not even want to hear my side of the story. I thought that was unfair but looking closely it was the same situation with my mum’s case, I never gave her the chance to explain herself just like lucy never gave me the chance. I vowed to go back home to find my mum and know her part of the story so as to fill that void that I always had ever since the day I jumped outside my bedroom’s window.
Lucy had gone missing, due to the harassment from reporters and constant front-page picture of there once perfect family. I investigated her whereabouts and through my canning ways I managed to locate her, I was convinced to meet her eye to eye. I could no longer take her silence, I loved her dearly and she was that girl that I asked God for, I kinder stalked her cause I was sure if I went knocking she would not open the door. An opportunity presented itself as she came out wrapped in shukas and you could confuse her for just any ordinary coastal girl but her curves and walking style gave her away. I seized the moment and scurried by her side and caught her unaware.
“Hey love,?” I tried sounding as normal as I could.
“Who is your love?” She was really cold and she gave me that eyebrow thing she does but this time it looked fierce.
“Give me a chance to…” I tried to reason with her.
“Give you a chance to kill me too, just see you have already ruined us. What more do you want? you have taken everything from me. Leave me alone, go away.” She started hitting on my chest while crying tears of bitterness, ” I hate you.”
I felt my heart stung, but I could not leave her like this, I hugged her tightly until she came down. All was silent for a while then I uttered, “I love you.”
“Do you?” I noded then somehow our lips touched and we kissed for a while. All of a sudden she started becoming violent as before and she pushed me away, “Don’t think you will sneak through with your charms, I can never forget that you killed my father.”
She ran away and left me there rooted to the ground not knowing what to do, we had already attracted a small crowd and running after her seemed like a bad idea. I stepped into my car igniting the engine and left like someone chased from hell, after driving for minutes I diverted from the main road and entered a murram road after driving deep into the vast sisal farm I pressed an emergency break leaving a cloud of dust and came off the car, I felt like exploding and I had to let it out.
I screamed as loud as I could, I can’t remember for how long but I quite took my time. I did it until I felt somehow relieved and lifted, I knew the best thing was to take Dad’s advice and let time mend things eventually it does or does it not? I had decided to face my past demons and had come clean to dad and told him my mum was still alive, all this time I had been lying, and how I had run away from home. He was somehow disappointed with me but he forgave me, he was a true dad.
I took my 3months leave from work and Dr Rashid convinced me to go and make peace with my mother and hear her out, so I decided to take a trip to my Egypt. Nairobi would help me deal with part of my issues, so Nairobi here I come.